By: Arlene Brown, ChFC, CDFA
Paul Winkler, Inc.
There’s something to celebrate about the latest statistics on divorce. The divorce rate has dropped to its 40 year low, and Tennessee’s ranking has dropped from the 10th highest divorce rate in 2015 to 19th among the 50 states. However, money issues are still one of the leading causes of divorce. Why is that? Couples don’t like to talk about money. In fact, according to an American Express study, 91% of couples avoid money talks with their partner. A study conducted by the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC) revealed that 68 percent of engaged couples express negative attitudes toward discussing money, with five percent indicating the discussion would cause them to call off the wedding.
As an Investor Coach I’ve found how imperative the need is for couples to break this money silence. It’s deafening! I remember when I was still dating my husband 16 years ago. Whenever I would actively engage him in a money discussion, he would complain that he didn’t find talking about money romantic at all. I quipped back that it’s the most romantic thing he could do for me, talking about money and the emotions that come along with it.
At that time, I didn’t know that we all have what the financial and psychology field refer to as “money script” or “money demons”– I was just being mindful of the cultural differences that might trigger a clash over money. I’m from the Philippines and, to me, money is a tool to help lift my family from poverty. I told my husband that I can’t afford wasteful spending, and that I’m frugal almost to a point of parsimony. He smiled and said, “Oh, so you’re telling me that you’re stingy when it comes to money?” I didn’t realize at the time that the dialogue about money would promote intimacy in our relationship. It allowed us to share our dreams, goals, fears and think of strategies to help us deal with our fears effectively. We were able to offer each other alternatives, and ways to realize my dream of helping my family in the Philippines in a more impactful way than I could have done alone. It also allowed us to understand our own mindset towards and about money. We married six months later.
I’ve noticed among my clients that the more successful the marriage is, the more comfortable they are in the discussion about money. Most of these couples are also comfortable about talking to their children about money and spending plans. This is very significant to me. If there is no Money Talk between couples, how can you grow financially fit children? The American Express study also showed that 69% of couples that don’t talk about money stated that they are more comfortable talking to their teens about sex than money, 50% of Baby Boomers reported that they have never talked to their children about money. This is one of the reasons why assets are not properly transferred to children and heirs because of the absence of such dialogue. We need to change this mindset.
I love talking about money. I know some of you might say, “That’s easy for you to say; it’s your job.” This is true, but it’s not just a job– it’s a mission! I believe that if you want financial freedom, then you and your spouse should be able to discuss money matters openly. When I take a couple through our coaching process, more often than not it’s the wife’s first time discussing money with her husband in a more engaged manner. There’s laughter, sometimes tears, but more importantly they go home with HOPE and a PLAN. Thus, it’s very important to understand your own mindset towards and about money, and your partner’s feelings and attitude towards money.
I like what a lady columnist wrote. She said, “Money may not buy love, but fighting about it will bankrupt your relationship.” So you should tell your significant other, Happy Valentine’s Day honey, let’s talk about MONEY!!!
Arlene Brown, ChFC, CDFA
Paul Winkler, Inc.
Listen to the Investors Coaching Show
Saturdays 3-6pm on Supertalk 99.7 WTN
*Advisory services offered through Paul Winkler, Inc. (“PWI”), a Registered Investment Advisor. PWI does not provide tax or legal advice; please consult your tax or legal advisor regarding your particular situation. This information is provided for informational purposes only and should not be construed to be a solicitation for the purchase or sale of any securities.
